Uncovering your authenticity is like a treasure hunt. It has all the elements: a treasure, clues, a map (or numbering system), a timeline, and—crucially—a run-through. We dream, plan, and experience many such hunts in life. We set our sights on what we deem “treasure”—a loving partner, a fulfilling career, a dream home. But what happens when these pursuits lead to unrest, disappointment, or frustration? These moments are challenging. However, they offer a golden opportunity to reflect. We can reflect not just on the outcome of our hunts, but on how we got there. This is the power of the run-through.

Finding Clues to Your Authentic Self

When we seek treasure, we create a plan, a map with numbered milestones guiding us step by step. “If I achieve step one, I can move to step two,” we tell ourselves. But between these milestones, we encounter clues. Unlike traditional treasure hunts, these clues are often unplanned: a loved one’s reaction, societal expectations, or unexpected circumstantial changes. Some clues feel like encouragement, others like roadblocks, landmines, or confusing detours.

These “negative” clues are the hardest. We struggle to decipher their meaning, sometimes needing “reinforcements”—friends, family, partners, professionals, resources—to help us navigate. These reinforcements can be helpful, or not. Often, our age and context influence us. We impose timelines on our progress. These timelines can be useful for discipline. However, they can also be limiting due to unrealistic expectations.

Let’s Imagine the Treasure is “True Love.”

A worthy goal, indeed! But how do we map that? Consider John and Jane. They learned that marriage equates to true love. It is viewed as a treasure to be attained by a certain age. Ideally, this is after college and career establishment. The partner should share similar backgrounds and resources.

In an ideal world, this advice would be perfect. But the world isn’t ideal. John and Jane have unique preferences shaped by experiences that often clash with well-intentioned advice and societal norms. These clashes create roadblocks and confusion.

John and Jane lived distinct lives before awakening to their pursuit of true love. John, white, grew up in a modest country home with hard-working, religious parents. His environment, however, was prejudiced against people of color and LGBTQ+ individuals. His parents eventually divorced. Jane, brown, grew up in a small city apartment with equally hard-working, religious parents who embraced diversity. Her parents stayed married, but their relationship was often tumultuous.

Both John and Jane pursued education and careers. They experienced several failed attempts at finding “true love.” While successful in other areas, this particular treasure remained elusive.

Then, fate intervenes. They meet at a social function, and the chemistry is undeniable. They laugh, share passions, and connect deeply. They feel like home to each other.

But…uh oh. “home” and “true love” are complicated concepts for both. Past relationship failures, racial differences, contrasting childhood environments, and differing marriage examples begin to cloud their perceptions. The need for external validation creeps in. And, most importantly, neither John nor Jane fully processed their past relationship experiences.

Their relationship falters and ultimately ends. Another failed treasure hunt. They had the treasure, the map, the milestones, the timeline, the clues…but something was missing.

Finding The Missing Piece to Authenticity

The missing piece? The theme of their hunt. Both John and Jane began their quests for love based on external validation. This need for approval followed them like a shadow. They teach us the importance of understanding why we seek the treasure we do. To understand the “why,” we need to review our past experiences. This includes the wins and the losses, big and small.

This run-through requires time, space, and a willingness to feel the emotions associated with those experiences without distractions. It takes courage to face these feelings, but it’s essential to identify what we, not others, truly value.

Practical Tips to Identify Your Internal Theme

Here are some practical tips for a run-through to identify the theme of your next hunt:

• Connect with nature.
• Create quiet time for reflection.
• Engage in learning and growth (reading, courses, etc.).
• Prioritize your physical well-being.
• Minimize external distractions and interactions.

These practices can be done regardless of resources or social status. We can say “no” to people and environments hindering self-discovery. We are so much more than the self-limiting beliefs we carry. Our spirits, our core energy, are what we were born with.

This is why connecting with our inner child is so powerful. It helps us differentiate between our genuine desires and those imposed by external expectations. Revisiting childhood memories of joy and authenticity can reveal our true nature.

Take the time for a thorough run-through. It will reconnect you with your authentic self, which is the foundation for a healthy theme. This is crucial for your next treasure hunt. The theme you discover for one area of your life will affect others. It encourages you to live authentically, no matter the treasure you seek.